Today (10/28) at 4:24 PM, there’s a Lunar Eclipse at 5º Taurus. Today’s eclipse marks the conclusion to a story that’s been playing out in the Taurus and Scorpio parts of our chart since November 2021. Eclipses are less about what happens the day of, and more about the entire two year process of radical change. Back in May, we had the final eclipse in Scorpio. I wrote to you then about my own experience with the alchemy that comes with a great purge. Today I want to take you through my journey on the Taurus side of things: the unbearable discomfort of dreaming big.
As a Libra rising, these eclipses were on the 2nd-8th house axis for me. The money houses, where we deal with what’s mine vs. what’s yours, where we manage debts and collaborations, and consider what’s worth the investment. The south node was traveling through Scorpio and my personal resources sector while the north node was traveling through Taurus and my shared resources sector. But this isn’t just about cash flow. What is “money” anyway? I share my experience in detail with the hope that you can map similar trends in your own journey. If you want to get into the nuance of your own story and how it matches the astrology, my November books are open and you can book a reading with me.
I usually send these full moon reports to paid subscribers only, but I feel called to make this one public. I’ll probably put it behind a paywall later on in the archive. If you find it resonant and want to support my work, I’d love if you became a paid subscriber, and also leave me a comment about how these eclipses have shaken out for you.
On Thursday evening, I set out on a long, meandering walk. I had to run some errands and also knew I had to write you this missive. Long walks always help me shake out my ideas. The waxing gibbous moon was rising in the east: bright and juicy in the pink sky. Two years ago, I was walking the same route at the same time of day looking up at the same moon. It was the night before a different lunar eclipse in Taurus in November 2021. Two years have gone by, and I’ve taken so many of these little walks through my neighborhood, wearing down the soles of cheap shoes and creating desire lines in my path. Looking up at Luna, I wondered if I was walking in circles, taking the same route at the same time of night to buy the same CBD soda at the same grocery store as the same little treat. Am I in the same place? Or have I evolved?
Today’s Lunar Eclipse in Taurus completes a story that began on November 19, 2021. I wrote this to you then:
In ancient times, eclipses were highly malefic events, harbingers of tragedy, chaos and despair. Lunar eclipses especially were said to affect the populace—as the moon represents “the people” in mundane astrology, whereas the sun represents “the king”—leading to uprisings, outrage and sometimes disaster. In modern times, eclipses aren’t so dramatic (we have electricity after all and there are plenty of other opportunities to play god) but eclipses are still omens of major change and frankly, instability. Things do not proceed as usual. Eclipses flip the narrative, reroute the course and speed up time. This eclipse is the first on the Taurus/Scorpio axis; an axis that will define 2022 and 2023 as we take more risks to gain security, let go of what’s wasteful and let our secrets spiritualize.
I remember writing this note, feeling expectant about what was to come with this eclipse cycle. As much as I like to say one should “let the eclipse come to you”—for myself? I had an agenda. The first lunar eclipse was conjunct my natal Mars which rules both money and relationships for me. I was sure that eclipse meant I was destined to get rich and fall in love.
It’s important to note that: before Fall 2021, I’d never made money from my own business alone. I always had another form of income whether it was a day job or a side hustle or pandemic unemployment checks. Right before that first Taurus eclipse, I took a leap and embarked on full self employment. I thought these eclipses would bring me instant success. But within the next three to six months (the usual “bake time” for eclipses), what actually happened is that I maxed out a few credit cards and spent my days clocking in at the romantic obsession factory, deep in what I now recognize as limerence. Grasping for any form of security, I fell into a fantasy, and at the onset, I paid a heavy price.
Sometimes eclipses speed up time so we can get what we want, and other times eclipses speed up time so we can learn a lesson as quickly as possible. With eclipses in the fixed signs of Taurus and Scorpio though, “as quickly as possible” is minimum 1-2 years.
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On April 30, 2022, we had the first and only Solar Eclipse in Taurus of this cycle. While Lunar Eclipses reveal collective frustrations, Solar Eclipses are more like a state of the union on societal change. The solar eclipse of April 2022 came just as Venus (Taurus’ ruler) met juggernaut Jupiter and hazy Neptune in Pisces. I called it “the orgy eclipse” because it just looked like a clusterfuck of pleasure. The big debate amongst astrologers at the time was would this be good or bad, a shock that would propel us into fantasy or unceremoniously rip us out of it?
At the time, I wrote to you:
Generosity requires giving and receiving. A simple gift might change someone’s life, but to sustain that generosity requires more than a gesture. No matter how urgent things feel right now (and eclipses make everything feel oh so urgent), no matter what windfalls or proclamations we’re left with, this moment is about taking whatever abundance or overwhelm comes to us and integrating it into a routine. It’s also about having patience with that routine and knowing when enough is enough. i.e., Houseplants must be watered, but they shouldn’t be watered everyday. Too much attention kills, but small consistent efforts lead to growth.
The advice of “houseplants must be watered, but they shouldn’t be watered everyday,” is hilarious in retrospect because, at the time, I was letting my fixations destroy me. Constant tarot pulls to figure out when I should contact my crush. Endless contemplation of the perfect time to send a booking email to get more clients. Despite the unease, I had a great day on April 30, 2022. (I think many did, with the exception of Beanie Feldstein.) It was around that time that an old dream of mine resurfaced: I want to open a tea and wine bar with events and books and snacks themed around divination. This is a dream I had back in college and had let sink to the bottom of my priorities and into the abyss, but the Venus-Jupiter-Neptune conjunction of April 2022 pushed it back up to the surface. Risks got rewards in the Venus-Jupiter-Neptune time, and that eclipse did push me to take more risks. I started writing more personal content here on Substack. I met more astrologers IRL. I said yes to a lot of invitations. But I was still holding onto a lot. I was still scared of losing everything and clinging desperately to ungrounded romantic fantasies. I needed to let it go but instead I held on tight. It wasn’t drying up so I had to let it burst, and when that would happen was up to fate.
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On August 1, 2022, Mars, Uranus and the North Node all met in Taurus—an extremely rare conjunction that makes for crunchy, fated times. This, of course, was when everything happened all at once. Fate came knocking at my front door. Literally. I ran into my ex from 2012 (that’s who I’d been compulsively crushing on) at a concert two blocks from my apartment. Finally, I was experiencing what I knew these eclipses were all about!
“So do you think you…manifested this?” asked a friend after I told her the full story over dinner.
“I think I did,” I responded, both embarrassed and smug.
Long story short: my ex and I had one crazy night together, and then I never heard from him again. What had felt like magic took a sharp term into a haunting, and the worst part was that I manifested it! I did it to myself!
Mars rules both resources and relationships in my chart, and for me, these two things are inextricably linked. So much of those romantic dreams were also about security. I wanted a partner and I also wanted a safe space. Losing the idea of one meant losing the idea of both. It was devastating. Even if it had only been real for a moment. I soon realized that if I manifested that, I could manifest anything. So what did I really want?
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I described what I was going through in Fall of 2022 as heartbreak. But it was much. more complicated than that. I was in a really complicated place of mourning and decathexis, but also an empowering time of coming back into reality. I woke up everyday feeling empty and anxious and sad. But for once, I wasn’t filling my cup with fantasy just to make it numb feel better. It was a messy time. The lunar eclipse of November 8, 2022 came in the midst of an extremely frenzied and hectic few weeks of astrology. A year ago, I wrote to you:
If you’re feeling anything but galvanized, too overwhelmed by these times to do anything at all, then write your feelings down. Maybe they’ll spur you into action when you’re ready... Think back to April 30 (a Solar Eclipse in Taurus) and November 19, 2021 (the last Lunar Eclipse in Taurus). What story has been slowly cracking open over the last year? You’ve faced so many of your fears, but what’s still holding you back?
There’s wisdom in these eclipses being in Taurus, as stubborn and still as the fixed Earth sign can be. Sometimes, we don’t have to reinvent the entire wheel. We don’t have to rewrite the code. We don’t have to be beyond meat. Sometimes the solution is simply to commit, to love hard, to be generous and live by example. What’s the most generous choice you can make in this moment? How will you commit to it?
Again the advice I’m giving here is hilarious in retrospect: “write your feelings down.” Meanwhile, I was in a complete documentation void. I’ve had a practice since 2016 of writing a few journal notes everyday, but from October 2022 to March 2023, I took no notes. My Google calendar is full of plot holes. Entire weeks and even months are a blur.
The void of confusion in Fall 2022 was backed up by the astrology: Mars was stationing retrograde square to hazy Neptune. Choices made around November 2022, especially around where we put our energy, were subtle in the moment but had a massive ripple effect Think: the US midterm elections having a somewhat underwhelming result, but leading to a Congress that has ejected the Speaker of the House for the first time in history.
It was in November 2022 that I finally began to notice some changes. I stopped looking at my ex’s social media in fits of compare and despair. I got more strategic about marketing. I put myself out there to make new friends, get more clients, and earn more money. I wrote to you then that the eclipse required an act of generosity, and in that moment, being generous was pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I saw huge growth in my business at that time, and I ended up doubling my income between 2021 and 2022. Slowly I started to feel less anxious and empty and sad. But going through those motions didn’t feel like success. It was so awkward. Putting one front of the other was so humbling. The ultimate truism of the Taurus north node eclipses: Growing pains don’t feel good.
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Today’s eclipse is the first in Taurus since November 2022, but in the interim, there have been other transits highlighting the Taurus part of our chart. There was a Mercury retrograde in Taurus from April 21 - May 14. Mercury stationed direct at 5º Taurus, the same degree as today’s eclipse. Then on May 16, Jupiter entered Taurus for the first time since 2012. On December 30, Jupiter will station direct at 5º Taurus, again the same degree as today’s eclipse.
Back in May, despite all the effort, I felt so stuck. The song “Something Has to Change” by The Japanese House came up on my Spotify Shuffle, and I started listening to it on constant repeat, like a mantra.
You got the same train
And you took it back
To the same place
You're back where you started
It's the same thing
You keep trying to do something different
Over and over again
Something has to change
Something has to change
Something has to change
What’s funny is that I felt so stuck but a lot had already changed. Even if I wasn’t yet where I wanted to be, even if all my debts weren’t paid off, I’d still alchemized so much in the material realm. Mercury is the planet of the mind and the Mercury retrograde in Taurus in April and May helped me get my train caught up with my body. Hearing something has to change over and over again made me believe that things could change and that they were changing. I entered another season of heartbreak as I realized how much was different. Again: growing pains aren’t fun.
At the first eclipse in Taurus I was expectant. But as I greet this one I’m filled with curiosity. I think that’s what abundance is about: remaining curious. If I had all the answers, I’d already be where I wanted to go. Back in November 2021, I thought I had all the answers, but now I’m more excited to ask questions. I’m learning to trust myself in the moment. Even though I’m taking the same little walks and getting the same little CBD soda and sending the same little texts complaining about the same little things, I’m not in the same place I was in November 2021. I think I’ve actually grown into what I thought I already was back then. I’ve filled those shoes. I faked it til I made it, and excited to keep keep trusting and keep faking it. I’m thrilled my expectations weren’t my reality.
Expectations: GET RICH / FALL IN LOVE / DIE TRYING
Reality: I identified and addressed my scarcity complex. I trended toward abundance: doubling my business income to a livable wage while growing my writing practice and client base. I also identified and addressed my attachment issues. I let go of connections that don’t fill my cup. I got what I wanted and realized it wasn’t what I needed. I didn’t die trying, but I did suffer (and watched almost 20 seasons of Survivor).
Eclipses are unpredictable. Change is always slower than we want it to be. But today’s lunar eclipse is conjunct Jupiter. The process is still uncomfortable, but relief is here, and more relief is on the way.
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super helpful, wildly relatable, and very generous of you! love the elegance with which you can weave the pieces from previous posts into the present. thank you for modeling mastery through sharing vulnerably from your own growth!
"I think I’ve actually grown into what I thought I already was back then." Not the only helpful thing you wrote, but it's on my "startled me" list. Reading this and remembering the last two years, I suddenly understood how I "mini-me 'ed" my youngest child and how awful that was for me from my own mother, and how awful it must have been for her. A year ago, I would have insisted she read and mirror my experience with your great offering. Over the year, I did come to live the boundaries with her (her insistence, not my wisdom) I thought I already had. When is that Chiron thing this week? Ouch. My stomach hurts. You're the best. I'm glad I found you November 2022 before you get too big to know. Affectionately yours...